Saturday, January 22, 2011

"This song reminds me of you!"

I went out on a lot of dates while I was in Florida. This story is one of the more interesting ones.

My first month there, I was on the bus home from House of Blues. A nice guy offered me his seat, and I sat next to 2 guys from India. How exotic! The cute one asked for my phone number, and not being wary enough, I gave it to him.

He texted me the next day, and we made plans to go to Animal Kingdom.
He then changed it to 'let's go watch a movie!' Okay. I can do that. 
'Come over to my apartment before I go to work. I'll cook for you!' Um. Okay. 
I tell him I'm vegetarian. 'No problem!' he says.

So I get up early, put on a pretty green skirt, blue shirt and ballet flats, and take the bus over to his apartment. One of his roommates', also from India, who I had never met, opened the door...wearing a turban.

It was honestly the first time I had seen someone wearing a turban in 'real life'. He looked like a man that never smiled. "You must be Anna." He invited me, and told me to sit down. So I did. India boy (that's how I'm going to refer to him) wasn't in the room.

I sat there as his roommate stared at me. "You look like a Barbie" he observed. "Um, thank you." "Yes. You could be a model in India." It was then that India boy walked in...with an orange towel on his head and carrying a prayer book.


He hugged me in greeting, and then said "it's time for my morning prayers." He proceeded to sit cross-legged on the coffee table...and pray in silence. For 20 minutes.

20 minutes. In silence.

I sat there awkwardly, wondering what I should do. Make conversation with The Roommate Who Doesn't Smile? Pray with him? Text someone? I should've brought a book!

About 10 minutes in, his roommate gets up, crosses to the kitchen in a hurry, and pours a glass of orange juice. He brings it over to me, and says "I'm sorry it took me so long to attend on you", accompanied by a little bow. " problem? Thanks for the juice."

Finally, India guy finishes his silent prayers, sighs a deep sigh, and exits the room, still with the towel on his head. I'm holding my juice, wondering what just happened. India guy re-entered the room, without the towel, and says "my roommate has work to do out here, let's go to my room." "Sure."

We go his room, and start to talk. I ask him what he does for fun in India. "Goat bashing!" "What's that?"
"We bet on goats, and they bash each others' heads in."
"It's really fun!"
"Why not?...Oh! I made you food!"

He leaves the room, and comes back with two bowls of Indian rice pudding. He tells me that he stayed up late watching Youtube videos to learn how to make it...and that it's his mother's recipe. These stories conflict, but I don't say anything. It was delicious.

We finish eating, and India guy tells me that he really likes going to malls. And drinking there. He likes shopping while intoxicated. Awesome. Apparently, he brings a flask with him. Pure class, truly. He invites me and I tell him that I wouldn't like to get arrested for public intoxication, thanks.

We keep talking, and eventually I yawn. He asks if I'm tired. Well, yeah. He puts his arm around me, and we cuddle for a few minutes before he kisses me.
Is this a cure for being tired? Eh, I decide to go with it.
However, his mouth turns into a vacuum. Not in a good way. He then starts...sighing. I break away, and notice that his hand is down his pants. India guy then sighs again, gets up, leaves the room, and re-enters wearing new shorts. YIKES. Also, EW EW EW EW EW!!!! Yeah, he had just jacked off while we were making out. Unfortunately, this is not the first time this has happened to me. Truly, I find winners.

He sits down and asks me what kind of music I like. "Really, anything except rap or techno. You?"
I'm sort of stunned that this is happening.
"Oh, I like much of everything, especially N----- music." He doesn't censor himself though, he actually uses the word.
I blink. "...What?"
"You know! N----- music! Kanye, rap music, Little Wayne..."
I stare at him. "You know you're not supposed to say that word, right?"
"What word?"
I then had to teach him about the US Civil Rights Movement.

Then, India guy asks me if I want lunch. "Chicken salad?" I'm vegetarian, dude. I'm trying to figure out how to leave politely. We go into the living room, and he opens his laptop. "I have a song that reminds me of you."

3 guesses what it is!

'You're Beautiful', by James Blunt starts to play.

He starts serenading me.
In front of his roommate.
Singing 'You're Beautiful' to me. On a first date.

This is the final straw.

I text one of my roommates 'Call me, please!!' She does, and I say "Oh, Danielle's sick?" "Oh....yeah! Come home now!" "I need to come home? I'll be there soon!" I go and get my shoes. India boy stares at me "You have to go?" "Oh, yeah, one of my roommates got sick." "Do you want me to walk you to the bus stop?" "No, thanks! Bye!" I get out of the apartment and take the first bus home, thinking that I'll never see him again.

He keeps texting me. 'Hey, montana come over after work sweetheart it will be fun'
'i bought you flavoured gifts lol'
'multi-flavoured candies lol'
A few days later 'Hey ana. I said sory. Jst gv me 1 rply that u hate me nw,n u dnt want to hangout any more. Jst say it, so that shd nt dstrb t'

I didn't reply.

He calls me a few days later, after I had been on a truly fantastic date with a guy who worked for Gatorade at Animal Kingdom. I was on a boy happiness kick, and I didn't recognize the number, so I answered.
"Anna. How have you been these days?"
"Who is this?"
He tells me.
"We need to hang out."
"We do not. I have a boyfriend." Lies. But necessary at the moment.
"Since when?"
"Why does that matter?"
"No problem. Have a good life." and he hangs up the phone.

Of course, I see him 5 times in my last month in Florida. I pretend that I don't see him as he stares at me on the buses. It works well. I never talk to him again, thankfully.

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