Sunday, January 23, 2011

Punch to the face!

This story is really long. It could also be titled 'How I got punched in the face while doing something most college students do'.

His name was T. I met him on a Wednesday. His roommate introduced him to me. He was 6’5”, curly black hair, brown eyes, Biology major and he was from Hawaii. In the hour we hung out, he told me that I was “pretty cute.”

That was a plus. 

There was serious sexual tension between us. However, he had a girl coming over that night. That should’ve been the first red flag. I decided to ignore that red flag in my head, ‘cause he was handsome and good at giving compliments. The next day, I dropped by and I ended up hanging out with him for a little bit while he studied for his biology test.

On Friday, I was in my room, watching tv when I got a text from him that said 'Hey were partying at my place. Come over if you like.' Um, yes please. So I got prettied up, and headed over. I got there around 11 at night; there were 5 guys and 4 girls at the beginning. The night kept going, I had one beer. T kept drinking and leaving to smoke with the guys.

At around 2 o’clock in the morning, there were 7 guys and 2 girls. I cleverly sat next to him on the couch, and he put his arm around me. Yay!

Yeah, I was desperate.

A couple minutes later T announced that he was going to bed and says to me “You wanna come with me?” Um, yes I do.
Let’s resolve this sexual tension!

So we go to his room. Shirts are off and we’re making out fiercely and I’m so excited to have sex! But wait, I'm bleeding.
Damn it. 
So T has his hand down my pants, I tell him that “I really want to sleep with you, but I'm bleeding.”
"Wait, what?"
"Um, my uterus hates me for not getting preggers."
"...What?"
OH MY GOD. How drunk are you, stupid?
"I'm having my period!"
He goes “Okay, it happens.” So we keep making out and cuddling and it’s all nice, when he goes “Will you head down there?” and pulls down his shorts.

I’m down there for a good 45 minutes.

Seriously.

He’s telling me “I’m sorry this is taking so long, I’m really wasted so it’s hard.” And “You’re doing a good job. Yeah, you’re doing a pretty good job.”

Excuse me?

He finally gives up, which was a good thing because my jaw was about to lock up

After a little bit, he gets up to get some water, and I’m expecting a cup or a glass. He comes back with a huge glass beer stein that would hold at least five beers. I drink a little water, and then he leaves again. I’m a little confused, its 3 AM, where would he go? On a walk outside. Obviously. He had 15 beers.

After he comes back, we’re cuddling and then he pulls down his shorts and I figure “eh, might as well try again," because I'm a nice person. So I head down there and I’m doing my thing and it’s really hard to give a good blowjob if you’re not in the right position, and my arm is falling asleep, because I’m at this for about half an hour. So I finally just give up and let him help himself, but right as he’s about to finish, he pushes my head down there again....AND PUNCHES ME IN THE FACE.

HE PUNCHED ME IN THE FACE WHILE I WAS GOING DOWN ON HIM.

WHAT.

He finishes and says at 5am “I’m not going to get any sleep if you’re here, and my mom's coming this morning and I’m already going to be hung-over. Can you leave?”
"It's 5am. Will you walk me back to my dorm?"
"Do I have to?"
"Yes. Yes you do."

So he begrudgingly walks me back to my dorm.

The next day, he calls me and says “You left your earrings and watch here; do you want to come get them?”
“Yeah, I’ll be over soon.”

I headed over to his dorm, got someone to let me in and headed up the 4 flights of stairs to his room. T was just going to bed when I walked in, and we did the awkward dance to get around each other because the room was pitch black. He handed me my earrings and watch, I thanked him.

He then said, "Anna, I have to tell you something."
"Yeah?"
"I never want to see you again."
"What?"
"Yeah. You're not very pretty. And you're not good in bed."
"We....we...we didn't even have sex!"
"I can just tell that you wouldn't be any good."
"....Oh." 
Brilliant comebacks, Anna, truly.
"Yeah. I'm not attracted to you."
“Well, you were when you were wasted.”
 “Sorry. I gotta be honest with you, you’re not my type. You’re not beautiful.”

I walked out without another word, with no good comeback, and when I got back to my room, I burst into tears.

1 comment:

  1. Who the hell says "You're not beautiful." to someone? I don't blame you for not having anything to say. What does someone say to that?
    Hopefully this guy fine-tuned your jerk radar.
    Also? You totally ARE beautiful.

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