Thursday, July 15, 2010

"She's Cuter than Betty Boop."

In my town, there's an event every summer called 'Alive at 5'. It's held weekly at a park, where there's vendors selling food and stuff, and a live band. People go and get drunk in public and dance. I decided that I wanted to be a part of this last night. I went and got my wristband, which meant I was over 21.

I headed over to the line for beer, where a beefy tall guy stepped in front of me. "I need to see your wristband" he thundered in a deep bass voice. I pushed up my shirt sleeve and showed it to him. He stepped aside. I joined the line, and ordered a Bud Light for the first time in my life.

As I was waiting for my beer, I heard someone say "She only has A cups, but they look damn good on her." I turn around and there's 3 old men with beer bellies and gray hair pointing at me. I gave them my most severe bitch face and said "Fuck you." I walked away with my beer, and listened to the band. I drank about a third of my drink, and decided it was so disgusting I couldn't finish it.

I decided to go to the ice cream store and get some ice cream. I ran into an acquaintance of mine, and asked if she wanted to go with me. She said yes, and I bought her a milkshake. We talked for awhile as we wandered around eating.

After we were finished, we went to my favorite bar. She bought me a drink, and we sat down to listen to the band. They were really good, but really loud. I mentioned that there was karaoke at another bar and that I had never done it before. "Well, we have to go!" We walked to the other bar, and signed up. I asked the person in charge what was usually well-received. He recommended 'Man! I feel like a woman' by Shania Twain. I said yes. I remember the first time I heard this was when I saw Britney Spears in Crossroads.


So I sang with my friend, and when we finished, no one booed. There were even a few cheers!  We left after I sang, and I walked my friend to another bar because she had friends there.

I went back to my favorite bar, and sat down at the cute bartender's end, next to an older woman. She worked for the school district, and was completely bowled over by how "young and adorable and polite" I was.

We talked for a bit, when an old, tall, fat man with 3 missing front teeth walked up to me and said "Hey, if you ever want to dance, little lady, I'll dance with you tonight."
"Um, no thank you."

My favorite bartender walked up to me "Hey, Anna. How are you doing tonight?"
"I'm good, thanks. How are you?"
"I'm good, this place is dead tonight. What can I get you?"
"You know the drink you made for me last night that I really liked?"
"The Thin Mint?"
"Yeah! Could I have that please?"
"Of course." He made my drink, and I asked what I owed him.
"Don't worry about it" he smiled as he walked off to take someone else's order.


Halfway through my drink, a man walks up to me. He looks about 35. "Would you like to dance?" Right after he asked this, he turned to start walking away. "Sure." He got really excited. "Really?" "Yes." He led me onto the dance floor, where we were the only two people. I kept up with him as we were fake slow dancing and fake swing dancing. The song ended, and I thanked him. I returned to the bar, where the handsome bartender was. "You looked good out there" he said. "Aw, thanks." I asked him if it slowed down more if we could watch Animal Planet again. "I'd love to, we'll see what happens."

I told the bartender the comment the creepy old men had made earlier that night. His reaction was "What? Seriously? Fuck people. And Anna? You're perfect just the way you are."


I told him "Aw, thanks! You're too good to me."

He had mentioned a friend of his who was an amazing drummer. I met him, and he and the school board lady started talking about me like I wasn't there. "Look at her! She's so cute! And polite!" "And she's so pretty! have you seen her smile?" "She reminds me of Betty Boop." "I can sort of see that, but she's cuter than Betty Boop. She seems sexier too." At some point, I got folded back into the conversation. We talked a little bit about how awesome the bartender was, and they both eventually went home.

I mentioned to someone that I'm going to work at Disney World. A man came over and said "I work in the hospitality industry. I love Disney World. What are you doing there?" I told him and he said "You know you're going to ruin peoples' lives right? The ride is going to break down, and you're going to ruin their vacation. Dream ruin-er." Then he just walked away.

After two glasses of water and some more conversation, the bartender and I hugged good night and I headed home.


  1. those guys who were talkin to ya fuck them

    You must be sexy

  2. That bar tender is nice you must be too