Monday, June 14, 2010

A Night Out

Last night, I went dancing with a friend. We decided to make it a weekly thing this summer. I was at the bar, talking to him. I had seen a really cute guy, and my friend told me to go ask him to dance. "But what if he says no?" My friend looks at me. "He'll say yes."

I walk over in my skirt and heels and ask the guy to dance. Blue eyes, brown hair, 6'2. He says yes, and we go dance. The song ends, and we part ways.

Later, I'm standing, watching the dance floor, drinking some water, when an older balding man walks up to me. "Hey, would you like to dance?" "No, thank you. I appreciate the offer. though." "Are you sure? We could have some real fun." "No, thanks." He leaves, and I find the cute guy from before standing with some friends. I go over and say "Can I stand by you, to prevent creepers?" They laugh and say yes.

The guy who's shorter than me asks me to dance. I say yes, and we start dancing.

Problem. 

His hands are all over my ass. I keep moving them until he finally gets the hint. The song ends, and I say thank you. I go check my phone, and then wander back towards the dance floor. All of the sudden, there's an old man. "Hey, darlin. How are ya? Ya got a nice little body." I just keep walking. Then, there's January Guy (His story is here!).

Damn it.

He sees me and comes over. "Anna! I didn't know you were back in town! We need to hang out!" I walk away without saying anything, pretending I didn't hear him.

All of the sudden, this random guy reaches out and slaps my ass. He had done it once before that night, and I had had enough. I turn around and say "NO! STOP!" like I'm talking to a dog who I want to leave me alone, or something. His eyes get huge and he walks away, head down, ashamed.

I find the cute guy, and ask him to dance again. He says "well, I have to go find my friends soon." I say "would you like to dance before you leave?" He smiles and says yes, and holds my hand as he leads me onto the dance floor.

We start dancing, one song becomes two, and he starts kissing my shoulder, my neck, and eventually my lips. It's nice. The song ends, and he says "Can I give you my number? I have to leave now." I say yes. He gives me his number, and says "Call me tonight." "I will." He gives me three goodbye kisses, and on the last one, it's an involuntary foot pop. Like this:

Or this:

Whenever that happens, it's generally a good sign. So I find my friend, grinning. I go to get some more water, and there's First Kiss Boy (His story's here!). He comes over. "Hey, Anna! How are you? Are you back in town for the summer? Are you working? I thought I saw you today! Wow! You're 21 now?"

I excuse myself, only to find another old bald man staring at me. "Hey sweetie."

Panicking, I turn to the first guy I find, thankfully standing by himself and cute, and I say "Please dance with me." He smiles and says "Of course." We start dancing, and I thank him for saving me. He says "No problem, it's nice to feel like a knight in shining armor." However, 'Yeah' by Usher is playing, and he knows every word, singing along, complete with lewd hand gestures.

Yikes.

The song ends, I thank him again, and find my friend. "Would you mind leaving?" "Not at all. Want me to walk you home?" "Yes please." He walks me home, I'm barefoot, heels in my hand. I get home, hug him good night, and get inside.

I put on my pajamas, when I realize that cute boy had told me to call him. So I do, and he asks "Want me to come over?" "Um, sure." I have to meet him downtown at the bar, he got lost on the way to my house.

I'm dressed in sweats and ballet flats and wearing glasses. At 2am, I must look like the worst hooker in the world. I meet him outside, and drive his truck to my house, because he was drunk, I was sober, and "it'll be so much easier than me giving you directions!"

I drive us to my house, and lead him inside. When we get inside, I tell him "I'm not going to sleep with you tonight. If you want to leave now, that's fine. It won't hurt my feelings. Just so you know." He stares at me. "We're not going to have sex?"
"Nope."
"Well, maybe I can change your mind."
"Nope. I'm really good at sticking to my convictions."

He starts kissing me.

Things Not To Do:

1. Tell me "damn you" repeatedly when I move your hand from my pants.

2. Say "I bet it'll be really good."
 
3. Shove your tongue in my mouth with EVERY kiss.

4. When you offer to cuddle, don't put one hand my chest and the other on my pants. Just because I'm tired doesn't mean that I don't know where your hands are. I will move them.

5. Tell me to get out my vibrator so "I don't have to even do anything. I can just watch you!"

6. "You took self defense class? Show me some moves! ...You almost punched me!" That was a self defense move. It's better than an arm bar, a choke hold, or a knee to the liver or junk. Or an eyelid tear. I know those moves too.

7. When I ask for one wish, one fact, and your favorite animal please don't say "I wish I had a lot of money. I'm either 23 or 24, I don't remember. I don't know what my favorite animal is." "What's the first animal you want to see at a zoo?" "I don't know, whatever's closest?" These questions aren't that hard.

8. Don't ask me if I want to you to be "angry" or "mean" in bed. The answer will always be no.

9. No means no. Stop means stop. ALWAYS.

10. When I walk you to the door, don't ask me "why did you even invite me over if we weren't going to have sex? Why are you being such a bitch? Why did you seduce me? Am I going to see you again?" The short answer is "you invited yourself over, I told you when you came in that I wasn't going to sleep with you, which is an anti-bitch move. I didn't want to get your hopes up. I didn't seduce you, you kissed me and gave me your number. I'm not going to call you, because I work a lot. If you want to call me, that's fine. But I won't be hurt if you don't, because I was a tease tonight, sort of, and I'm sorry. I hope you drive safe and sleep well."

11. Don't leave the bathroom door open. I can hear you, and you're really loud, and I don't really like hearing other people pee.

What an eventful night.

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