Wednesday, June 30, 2010

An Open Letter, Number Two

Dear Pau Gasol,

You're a freaking hot and talented Spaniard. The only reason I watched the NBA finals and cheered for the Lakers was because of you, you gorgeous 7 foot tall man.

Thank you, for being freaking hot and super awesome at basketball.


PS- I don't know why you're recording by a High School Musical 3 poster, but I love it nonetheless.

Monday, June 28, 2010

Galumphing? Garumphing? Harumphing?


And garumph.

I have my grumpy pants on.

Not only do I have waffle cone burns on both arms, as well as copious amounts of melted ice cream on my arms, but in the 5 days I was gone from work, so much happened. Fired got rehired, fun and awesome coworker is manager soon, First Kiss Boy came in, there are chairs and tables outside, all the gallon bins of ice cream got moved around...

Thank goodness for awesome coworkers, tips, and free ice cream.

Only 44 days till Disney World! I bought my suitcase in Atlanta.

I am nothing like Bella from Twilight

I just got back from Atlanta last night. I went with my parents for my grandma's funeral. It was so good to see family, I hadn't seen some of them in 11 years. One cousin told me "I remember you at my wedding, you were a little bitty thing, and you kept asking "when's he gonna kiss her? when's he gonna kiss her?" It was so cute!" My favorite cousin was there, and we looked at wedding magazines together!

My youngest cousin was there, and me, my mom, her and one of my aunts were driving to go shopping when I told my aunt "yeah, I'm ferociously clumsy." My cousin gasps and goes "You're just like Bella! From Twilight!" I turned around in my seat and said "No, I'm not." She insisted "Yeah you are! You're clumsy and you have brown hair!"

I wish I had been able to say "Yeah, but I don't have an emotionally abusive vampire boyfriend, I don't cheat on my true love with my werewolf best friend, I haven't had a vampire baby that eats its way out of my uterus, and none of my boyfriends have sparkled in the sunlight."

I just said "Well. Maybe. Oooh! Look! American Eagle!"

I went to my first wake, and read the prayers of the faithful at the funeral. It was weird seeing my grandma. I touched her, out of morbid curiosity, and she was so cold. I couldn't think of any prayers when it was my turn to say goodbye, so I just kneeled on the prayer thing and thought 'Please, please, please take care of her and let her dance in heaven.'

It was a sad occasion, but good to see family again. I feel so bad for my grandpa. In August, it would've been their 62nd wedding anniversary. The saddest part is that every night, without fail, he told my grandma "Well, goodnight Peach. Love you bushels, honey. Sleep tight. I'll see you in the morning, okay?" Now he can't say that to her any more. The last time I saw her, she couldn't talk any longer because of her multiple sclerosis, she had the disease for 25 years.

At her funeral, I wore a pink feathered headband because her favorite color was pink, and she loved birds. I miss her.

Rest in Peace, Grandma.

My grandma and grandpa when they were dating

Wednesday, June 23, 2010


I know it's weird to care about celebrities, but I'm sort of super excited that Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr are getting married. I love this pairing of people. And if they have kids, they'll be super gorgeous.

Have you seen him?

Have you seen her?

Have you seen them together?

This makes my heart happy. It's so nice to hear about love.

Where I read this (Thanks, People magazine!)

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Running into Old Crushes

I went out with my friend last night, as we do every Saturday night. We went to a different bar than usual so I could try singing karaoke for the first time. After an hour and a half of technical difficulties, we decided to go to the usual bar to dance. Also, at the karaoke place, I had this glorious exchange.

I left the bathroom and went to the bar to get some water. I asked the bartender "Could I please have some water?" She looked at me and said "I'll need to see some ID."
"....For water?"


"Okay. Um. I'll go get it."

I went and got my ID (I had left my purse with my friend) and went back to the bar. I handed her my ID, and she checked the date twice. "Oh! I'm sorry! I thought you were 15. It's a precaution. You really don't look 21."
"Yeah. For water. I got it. Could I please have some?"

An older woman, completely plastered and sitting at the bar, turns to me and goes "Sweetie, you don't look a day over 15. You'll be grateful for it when you're older, believe me."

I've never heard that one before.

I get my water, thank the bartender, and go hang out with my friend. We left the karaoke bar shortly after, and went to the bar with dancing.

I ran into two of my friends from high school, and we were all dancing together. A bad song came on, so I went to go check my phone. I was walking back towards the dance floor when an guy from high school walked by me. I had a huge crush on him in high school. He had gorgeous brown curly hair, really pretty eyes, and was nice to everyone. He also dated a friend of mine all through high school. He turned around, looked at me, and walked over.
He gave me a huge hug.
"I can't believe you're here! How are you?"
"I'm good! How are you?"
"Great! It's so good to see you!"
"You you want to dance?"
"Of course I do! But I don't dance very well."
"Liar. I danced with you in high school. You're a fantastic dancer."

We started dancing, and it was amazing. He spun me around, and did the 'hug while we're dancing!' thing a lot. Over the music, he said "I can't believe we're here! We had lockers together in 8th grade! And you're so amazing! Why did we never hang out in high school?"

At the end of the song, he picked me up off the ground, broken arm and all, and spun me around in front of everyone. "I'm so glad I saw you, you're prettier than ever. I have to go find my friends 'cause they bought me a drink, but I'll find you soon." He kissed my hair, smiled, and walked away.

I ran over to my friends and jumped up and down excitedly. We started dancing together again, and then went outside to get some air.

I got cold really fast so I walked back in, and ran into the high school crush. He put his arm around me and introduced me to his friends.

Completely awesome.

We stood there and talked for awhile, and then he asked me to dance again. We danced more, and then took a break. He asked for my phone number, and then we danced again. This time, the 'I'm going to look at you a really long time, and smile, and then kiss your shoulder, and then kiss you for the first time' happened.


High school crush kissed me!

I love being home for the summer.

We kissed a few more times, and then I told him I had to go home because I had work in the morning. He walked me to my stuff, and then went to find his friends. I told my friends I was leaving, and as I was walking out, he stopped me, kissed me on the cheek, hugged me, and asked me to call him to "make sure you got home okay."

I floated home.

A Belligerent Drunken Dwarf

Today at work I had just finished making a customer a chocolate milkshake. I gave it to the man, and a dwarf walked in. He comes to the counter. "Do you have a telephone?" My 16 year-old coworker gives it to him, and he makes a call. "They never answer their phone" he mutters.

He gives the phone back and looks around the store. "Where am I?"
I say "You're in an ice cream store."
"Oh. Gimme a pina colada."
"Sir, this is an ice cream store. Not a bar."
"I've been drinking all day, I'm drunk."
He then asks, "So, what do you sell?"
"Ice cream."
"No beer?"

He looks around again and mutters "Gimme a rooftop with peanuts."


I say "I'm sorry sir, what?"
"My dad always got it for me when I was growing up. A sundae."

My 18 year-old coworker starts making the dwarf's order and asks what kind of ice cream he wants. He orders strawberry, then takes everything out of his pockets and strews it all over the counter.

He pays for his ice cream, and then asks again "Where am I?" I say "An ice cream store." He looks at me and goes "Fucker."
I say "Sir, while I respect and appreciate the freedom of speech, this is a family-friendly ice cream store, and I would appreciate it if you wouldn't swear."
He steps towards me sort of menacingly.

I go to another customer, a guy who just finished his ice cream cone and was standing by the door. In a low voice, I ask him to please stand behind the dwarf and get some samples, maybe if there are other customers, he'll leave. He agrees. He asks for a sample of green tea ice cream, and I get it for him.

The dwarf turns around. "Hey, motherfucker. What are you doing?"
The man stares down at him. "Getting some samples."
The dwarf asks "Are you afraid of me?", puffing out his chest.
The man looks at him and goes "Honestly? No."
"...Oh." The dwarf gets his ice cream and starts picking up his stuff from the counter.
I ask him "Sir, do you want me to call you a cab?"
"Okay, well, are you driving? Because that's probably not the best idea."
He looks at me and goes "I'm walking."
"Okay, try and stay dry out there in the rain. Enjoy your ice cream." The dwarf turns to leave, and I say "Sir? You forgot your cigarettes."

He puts them in his pocket and walks out the door as my boss walks out and asks "What's going on?"

I say "A belligerent drunken dwarf-midget-small person-I don't know the PC term- just came in and got ice cream." She nods and says "It happens."

Friday, June 18, 2010

Toy Story 3

Mr. Pricklepants, or Baron von Shush was my favorite part of Toy Story 3. I cried at the end, and laughed delightedly at Spanish lover Buzz Lightyear. Well done, Disney and Pixar. You did it again!

Ken: And this... well, this is where I live. It's got a disco, it's got a dune buggy, and a whole room just for trying on clothes.
Barbie: You have everything!
Ken: Everything... except someone to share it with...

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Daniel Radcliffe on Glee? My heart just exploded from happiness

With the “Harry Potter” series finally wrapping, star Daniel Radcliffe has his sights set on a more musical career – one that includes his Broadway musical debut and even possibly Glee.

“I’m coming back to Broadway,” Daniel told Access Hollywood at the grand opening of The Wizarding World of Harry Potter theme park at Universal Studios in Orlando on Wednesday.

The 20-year-old actor is scheduled to return to Broadway next year in a revival of the musical, How To Succeed in Business Without Really Trying.

“We open, hopefully, in the spring,” he continued. “So, it’s very exciting. I’ll get my dancing shoes on.”
The young actor said he’s not looking to just limit his musical skills to only the stage.

“Yes, absolutely,” he said when Access asked if he would consider appearing on FOX’s Glee.

“I would consider it. I mean of course… it’s an amazing show and I [would] obviously be honored to be asked,” he explained. “But, I’m not sure I’m ready for that yet. They’ve got standards like Kristin Chenoweth!”

First up though, Daniel will be back on the big screen in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part I, which opens in theaters on November 19.

Where I read this

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

My Short Skirt

My Short Skirt
by Eve Ensler

It is not an invitation
a provocation
an indication
that I want it
or give it
or that I hook.

My short skirt
is not begging for it
it does not want you
to rip it off me
or pull it down.

My short skirt
is not a legal reason
for raping me
although it has been before
it will not hold up
in the new court.

My short skirt, believe it or not
has nothing to do with you.

My short skirt
is about discovering
the power of my lower calves
about cool autumn air traveling
up my inner thighs
about allowing everything I see
or pass or feel to live inside.

My short skirt is not proof
that I am stupid
or undecided
or a malleable little girl.

Things to do at Disney

1. Eat a Mickey Pop
2. Every Attraction-114
   37 in the Magic Kingdom
   38 in Epcot
   20 in Animal Kingdom
   19 in MGM (or Hollywood Studios)
3. Fantasmic in the front row
4. Wishes on Main Street
5. Illuminations up close
6. Visit The Wizarding World of Harry Potter. Actually, buy a season pass and go there on my days off when I don't want to go to Disney World.
7. Eat a Dole Whip
8. Picture with every character
9. Do every park in one day
10. Talk to an Imagineer
11. Night of Joy
12. Be one of the first in the Park
13. Swim with dolpins
14. Early Morning Safari in the Animal Kingdom
15. Make a Magical Moment (hopefully more than one)
16. Be part of a show at Hollywood Studios
17. Attend as many CP events as possible
18. Spend time with my family at Disney World
19. Convince some of my friends to visit me
20. Drink my way around the world at Epcot
21. Take a ton of pictures
22. Meet every Princess and Prince more than once.
23. Eat at a character breakfast
24. Eat at Cinderella's castle for dinner
25. Go to Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween party, the Epcot Food and Wine Festival, and Mickey's Very Merry Christmas party.

I'm super excited! Only 55 days until I get on a plane to Florida!

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Matthew Morrison Thought

What on earth would posses a professional photographer to say "Hey, Matthew Morrison. You're a television and Broadway star with a delightful voice and bitchin' dance moves. Stick your shirt in your mouth and chew on it as you stare sexily to your left? Well, my right. Do it."

Who would say "Sure! That sounds like a great idea! I love sexy brooding and chewing on cotton material!"

 Matthew Morrison, that's who.

I'm slightly ashamed, befuddled, and not at all turned on by this picture. It just weirds me out.

A Date with Jesus

Last year, I went out on a date with a grad student. He was from Spain, and named Jesus. I don't normally use names, but his is important to the story. I met him in my university's cafeteria, as I was sitting with friends. I saw him sitting alone, eating dinner. I went to get dessert, and asked if he wanted company. His eyes lit up, and he smiled this big, beautiful smile. "Of course! I never turn down an offer from a pretty woman."

We sit and talk, and I help him with some English words. My friends left shortly after I sat down with Jesus, and sent me congratulatory 'he's so hot!' texts. We finished eating, and he gave me his email address, and asked me to email him. Of course, I did.

Jesus replied, and ended with "Have a nice day dear journalist". I had a huge smile on my face. Later that week, I invited him to watch a play with me. He agreed, because he hadn't seen any US theatre yet. I met him in his dorm the next week. I sent a text to a friend because he was late, saying 'I'm standing in the lobby, waiting for my fake date and feeling like a loser because Jesus is late.' She replied 'Jesus is never late, he is time itself...I'm sure he will be there *hugs*'.

Right after I got that frankly brilliant text, here comes Jesus! He apologizes for being late, and does the delightful European kiss on both cheeks thing. We walk to the theatre, and watch To Kill a Mockingbird. He thinks the Southern accents are hilarious, and hard to understand. I agree wholeheartedly. The play ends, and he hugs me, thanking me for a wonderful time.

He walks me back to my dorm, and asks "Could we see another show sometime?"
"Well, I have a brochure in my room of all the different shows. Do you want it?"
"Sure! Is it okay if I come with you?"
"Of course."

We walk up to my room, and he asks about some of the things in my room, like photos, and my 'Don't Panic' towel and my giant teddy bear.

I give him the brochure. He thanks me, and says "Is there anything I can do for you?"
I say "Besa me?" (It means 'kiss me' in Spanish.)
"Yeah, yeah! Besa me! Good pronunciation!"
"Um, besa me?"

He gets it, and his face falls.
He then spends 20 minutes explaining that he likes me, but not in that way, and he doesn't want to lead me on by kissing me. And he doesn't have a girlfriend, but if he did, he'd love it if I was his girlfriend. And he had such a good time tonight, and it would be better if we were just friends. And he's really sorry, and you are really beautiful, but I just can't date anyone right now. "I'm so sorry."

We have a nice hug good night, and he leaves.

Of course, the next week, I meet his girlfriend inadvertently. I was outside on the Oval, watching someone on a slackline. We start talking, and she says she's waiting for a boyfriend. Of course she has a boyfriend, she's gorgeous and nice.

We keep talking, and then her face lights up. "There he is!" I turn, and there's Jesus, running from the gym. They kiss hello, and he's completely befuddled. "You know each other?" She says "We just met....OH! You're Anna? He's told me so much about you! You took him to the play! That was so nice of you!"
I say "Oh, it was no problem. I had a good time."
Jesus asks his girlfriend for help with an essay, and I tell them "Oh, I'm just going to keep walking. Have a good night!"

Late Night Photos

Things I like (in no particular order):

My family
Taylor Swift

Dogs (Really, all animals except spiders)

My gorgeous, amazing best friend
This slogan from England during World War II 
Calvin and Hobbes
Harry Potter
 The fact that I've met President Obama, Bill Clinton, and Hillary Clinton. And gotten all of their autographs!
All things Disney

Monday, June 14, 2010

A Night Out

Last night, I went dancing with a friend. We decided to make it a weekly thing this summer. I was at the bar, talking to him. I had seen a really cute guy, and my friend told me to go ask him to dance. "But what if he says no?" My friend looks at me. "He'll say yes."

I walk over in my skirt and heels and ask the guy to dance. Blue eyes, brown hair, 6'2. He says yes, and we go dance. The song ends, and we part ways.

Later, I'm standing, watching the dance floor, drinking some water, when an older balding man walks up to me. "Hey, would you like to dance?" "No, thank you. I appreciate the offer. though." "Are you sure? We could have some real fun." "No, thanks." He leaves, and I find the cute guy from before standing with some friends. I go over and say "Can I stand by you, to prevent creepers?" They laugh and say yes.

The guy who's shorter than me asks me to dance. I say yes, and we start dancing.


His hands are all over my ass. I keep moving them until he finally gets the hint. The song ends, and I say thank you. I go check my phone, and then wander back towards the dance floor. All of the sudden, there's an old man. "Hey, darlin. How are ya? Ya got a nice little body." I just keep walking. Then, there's January Guy (His story is here!).

Damn it.

He sees me and comes over. "Anna! I didn't know you were back in town! We need to hang out!" I walk away without saying anything, pretending I didn't hear him.

All of the sudden, this random guy reaches out and slaps my ass. He had done it once before that night, and I had had enough. I turn around and say "NO! STOP!" like I'm talking to a dog who I want to leave me alone, or something. His eyes get huge and he walks away, head down, ashamed.

I find the cute guy, and ask him to dance again. He says "well, I have to go find my friends soon." I say "would you like to dance before you leave?" He smiles and says yes, and holds my hand as he leads me onto the dance floor.

We start dancing, one song becomes two, and he starts kissing my shoulder, my neck, and eventually my lips. It's nice. The song ends, and he says "Can I give you my number? I have to leave now." I say yes. He gives me his number, and says "Call me tonight." "I will." He gives me three goodbye kisses, and on the last one, it's an involuntary foot pop. Like this:

Or this:

Whenever that happens, it's generally a good sign. So I find my friend, grinning. I go to get some more water, and there's First Kiss Boy (His story's here!). He comes over. "Hey, Anna! How are you? Are you back in town for the summer? Are you working? I thought I saw you today! Wow! You're 21 now?"

I excuse myself, only to find another old bald man staring at me. "Hey sweetie."

Panicking, I turn to the first guy I find, thankfully standing by himself and cute, and I say "Please dance with me." He smiles and says "Of course." We start dancing, and I thank him for saving me. He says "No problem, it's nice to feel like a knight in shining armor." However, 'Yeah' by Usher is playing, and he knows every word, singing along, complete with lewd hand gestures.


The song ends, I thank him again, and find my friend. "Would you mind leaving?" "Not at all. Want me to walk you home?" "Yes please." He walks me home, I'm barefoot, heels in my hand. I get home, hug him good night, and get inside.

I put on my pajamas, when I realize that cute boy had told me to call him. So I do, and he asks "Want me to come over?" "Um, sure." I have to meet him downtown at the bar, he got lost on the way to my house.

I'm dressed in sweats and ballet flats and wearing glasses. At 2am, I must look like the worst hooker in the world. I meet him outside, and drive his truck to my house, because he was drunk, I was sober, and "it'll be so much easier than me giving you directions!"

I drive us to my house, and lead him inside. When we get inside, I tell him "I'm not going to sleep with you tonight. If you want to leave now, that's fine. It won't hurt my feelings. Just so you know." He stares at me. "We're not going to have sex?"
"Well, maybe I can change your mind."
"Nope. I'm really good at sticking to my convictions."

He starts kissing me.

Things Not To Do:

1. Tell me "damn you" repeatedly when I move your hand from my pants.

2. Say "I bet it'll be really good."
3. Shove your tongue in my mouth with EVERY kiss.

4. When you offer to cuddle, don't put one hand my chest and the other on my pants. Just because I'm tired doesn't mean that I don't know where your hands are. I will move them.

5. Tell me to get out my vibrator so "I don't have to even do anything. I can just watch you!"

6. "You took self defense class? Show me some moves! ...You almost punched me!" That was a self defense move. It's better than an arm bar, a choke hold, or a knee to the liver or junk. Or an eyelid tear. I know those moves too.

7. When I ask for one wish, one fact, and your favorite animal please don't say "I wish I had a lot of money. I'm either 23 or 24, I don't remember. I don't know what my favorite animal is." "What's the first animal you want to see at a zoo?" "I don't know, whatever's closest?" These questions aren't that hard.

8. Don't ask me if I want to you to be "angry" or "mean" in bed. The answer will always be no.

9. No means no. Stop means stop. ALWAYS.

10. When I walk you to the door, don't ask me "why did you even invite me over if we weren't going to have sex? Why are you being such a bitch? Why did you seduce me? Am I going to see you again?" The short answer is "you invited yourself over, I told you when you came in that I wasn't going to sleep with you, which is an anti-bitch move. I didn't want to get your hopes up. I didn't seduce you, you kissed me and gave me your number. I'm not going to call you, because I work a lot. If you want to call me, that's fine. But I won't be hurt if you don't, because I was a tease tonight, sort of, and I'm sorry. I hope you drive safe and sleep well."

11. Don't leave the bathroom door open. I can hear you, and you're really loud, and I don't really like hearing other people pee.

What an eventful night.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Another thing to add to my list!

I have to do this at Disney World!

"The Seas Aqua Tour allows Guests to swim on the surface of the 5.7-million-gallon saltwater tank inside the Seas with Nemo & Friends Pavilion at Epcot theme park. Guests use a supplied-air snorkel system and do not need to be scuba certified.

Guests must be at least 8 years of age. Guests ages 8-16 years old require participating adult.
Swim with over 6,000 sea creatures representing over 60 species—including sea turtles, angelfish, dolphins, eagle rays and sharks. The supplied-air snorkel system is simple to use and the equipment keeps you buoyant, so it is easy to float on top of the water. The system does not allow you to dive below the surface, but you'll have a remarkable view of the tranquil sea life below you. 

The experience lasts 2.5 hours, and Guests will spend approximately 30 minutes swimming in the massive Caribbean Coral Reef aquarium—which until 2005 was the largest saltwater tank in the world. Participants also learn about many of these beautiful creatures and get to see the massive backstage infrastructure required to filter and maintain a vast manmade ocean flourishing with life. 

All snorkeling equipment is provided. Please bring a swim suit. 

You can get a closer look at some remarkable aquatic mammals on the Dolphins in Depth tour. If you are a certified scuba diver and wish to dive below the surface of the tank, you may be able to participate in the Epcot DiveQuest program. 

Epcot® Seas Aqua Tour, presented by the National Association of Underwater Instructors."

I've always, always, always wanted to swim with dolphins!

Yes please.

(I'm not sure why the dolphin is a school bus. Ariel doesn't go to school.)

Friday, June 11, 2010

A Magical Moment

Today at work, an old woman came in with her family. She ordered a shake, and told me proudly "It's my 71st birthday today!" "Oh my goodness! Happy birthday!" I said. After I had made all their milkshakes, the family headed upstairs to sit down. They sang her happy birthday, and I had a flash of inspiration. I ran and got my ipod, and found the song I was looking for.

"Birthday" by the Beatles comes over the ice cream store's speakers. My coworker turns it up, and we play it twice. As the family leaves, the old woman comes over and very sincerely says "That was so kind. This has been my nicest birthday yet. Thank you so much for the ice cream and the music! I'll remember it for a long time."

I created a magical moment today, and I'm not even at Disney World yet!

A Charming English Soldier, Part 2

When we last left the charming Englishman... I walked him back to his hotel in the morning, with the promise to meet that night at the same bar.

Because he told me his favorite color was blue, I wore a blue skirt and gray shirt that night. I got to the bar and met up with two friends from high school. I asked the bartender to let me know when they arrived, cause I didn't want to be the creepy girl staring at the door. The bartender, good man that he is, came right over and said "They're here! Have fun!" I turned towards the door, and there's the Englishman and his friends. He comes over and says "well hi. I'm going to go find a table with my mates, come find me."

I do, and watch them play pool for awhile. I leave and go dance with my friends, and then return. I asked him if he won, and then asked "can I try your beer?" "Of course! They were all out of Corona." I drink some, and then my friend tells me to go dance, because "Britney's on!" I tell him I'll be back, and he smiles his gorgeous smile at me "Have fun", he says, giving me a quick hug.

I find him later, at the bar. We sing along together to Lady Gaga's 'Just Dance', and I'm having so much fun. I then decide to be blunt as can be.
Me: "So, you're going back to Canada tomorrow morning?"
 "Um, do you want to make out one more time before you go back to Canada?”
“When do you want to get out of here?”
“Okay. I have to get my coat.”
He kisses my cheek. “Go get your coat.”

I go grab my coat, and tell my friends that I'm leaving. They give me a high-five, and I go find him. We go outside, and I'm wobbling in my heels.

He says "This was unexpected."
“Hey, you have a pretty girl to make out with. That has to be good.” He dips me, a long kiss outside the bar. He says “it definitely is.”

We start walking, and I ask him “Can I hold your hand so I don’t fall?”
“Of course.”

I stumble in Reeder's Alley, and he says "Do you want me to carry you?"
"What? Would you really?"
Without saying anything he lifts me up in the wedding lift, kisses me, and starts walking. I ask him "I'm not too heavy, am I?" He stops and gives me a long kiss. "You're perfect." He carries me uphill, across an old bridge, and up another hill.

He carried me home in the wedding lift. Is this a movie?

We get to my house, and I start setting my alarm so he can wake up in time to leave. He spins me around and kisses me more.
“You’re distracting me!”
He says “I know.”

He apologizes again for the hickeys and the broken glass on my alarm clock. I jokingly tell him "hey, my shoulder's messed up too!" He starts giving me a backrub, kissing my hurt shoulder too. Perfect.

We have sex, and are cuddling afterward, when he kisses me fiercely. He says "I have to go smoke, catch my breath. Want to come outside with me?" I say yes, and we put clothes and go outside. I give him my lighter, and he lights his cigarette.

Rubbing my arms, I tell him “I’m cold.”
“Come here.” he says. He wraps his arms around me as he smokes.

I look up at him, my 5'1 self against his 6'4 self. I notice something, and ask
“What’s the scar on your chin from?”
“I was about 8, and slipped on some milk in the supermarket, and went BANG, sliding on the floor into a bench.”
“Yeah. I hardly remember it.”

I told him "All I did was cut off my pinky finger in a bathroom door when I was 6. It got sewn back on, though."
He says “I cut my finger off too! See this bump? I sewed it back together.”

We have so much in common?

“Oh my god. You’re so brave” I say, sincerely.
“Not while I was sitting there with a needle and thread, crying the whole time.”

He finishes smoking, and kisses me again. "I have to leave. I'm paranoid my mates will leave without me." I offer to walk him back, and he says “You can’t walk me back to my hotel.”
“Why not?”
“A girl, walking a bloke home? It’s just not done in England. Then I’d have to walk you home.”
“Are you going to find your way back okay?”
“Yes, I’ll be fine.”
“Promise?” Long kiss.
“I promise.”

He then says, “I’m sorry, I really want to stay, but I’m paranoid they’ll leave without me. I'm so glad I met you, I really like you.”
"I really like you too. Thanks, this was really amazing."

The charming soldier says, "Well, I have two weeks leave in three and a half weeks. I'm going to come back."
I stare at him. "Wait, what?"
"I'm going to come back and see you. I really like you."
"Oh wow. Well, can I have a goodbye kiss?"
He says “It’s not a goodbye kiss, it’s a ‘I’ll see you in three and a half weeks kiss.” He kisses me and says “I like it.” He kisses me again, and says "Yes, I really like this three and a half weeks kiss."

He turns to walk away, and I call after him “Can I have one more kiss?”
“Of course you can.”
One more long, amazing kiss.
“Bye Anna.”
As he's walking away, he turns around and blows me one more kiss.


Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Disney World! So excited!

I seriously can't wait. 64 days!

Yes Please

(PS-If you click on it, it makes the pictures bigger.)

Miranda Kerr

She's so gorgeous. Also, my girl crush.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

A Charming English Soldier, Part 1

When we last left:
...At this point, a gorgeous guy my age walks up and asks "Is he bothering you?" in a charming English accent. I nod a little. He tells the man that I'm not interested, and takes his seat. He then asks "Are you alright, love?" "I am now." We keep talking, and his friends come over. They're all English soldiers, stationed in Canada and visiting for the weekend. I'm surrounded by 5 men from England, from 20-28. They all call me 'love'. I am in heaven.

I'm sitting between all of them and eventually 2am comes, closing time. The lights come on, and the really tall, incredibly handsome one asks "Is there a 24-hour pub we can go to?"
I say "Well, we're in Montana, where some people still ride horses to school. So, no. There's beer at my house, though. If you want to head there."
He looks at me and says "Really?" Not thinking anything of it, I say "sure."
 So we start walking, and one of his friends follows.

The handsome man puts his arm around me as we walk, and I'm thrilled. We reach my house, and go inside. I go down to the garage to get drinks, and handsome soldier follows me "to get a tour".
He sees my dad's huge truck, and asks "Is that what you drive?"
"But you're so tiny!" and then he adds "and incredibly gorgeous", as that magical first kiss happens.
He breaks away and says "I'm sorry." "For what? I enjoyed it." He looks at me and asks "Really?" "Of course." He kisses me again. I realize, belatedly, that his friend is upstairs.


So we go upstairs, and sit around and drink for a bit. I go upstairs to get some water, and handsome soldier follows me. We start kissing in the kitchen, and his friend walks in, drink in hand.

Oh man.

He looks at us, and says "I think I'll leave." I offer him a walk back to his hotel, and he says to stay, he'll find his way back. I feel so bad. His friend leaves after I apologize, and handsome solider and I go to my room. He ends up spending the night, and I learn a lot of facts about him. He's 6 foot 4 (freaking tall!) with blond hair and blue eyes, 23 years old, a sharpshooter for the English army, joined "to serve my family, my country, and my Queen", he's insanely charming, favorite color is blue, he told me I was perfect, and he has a 10 year-old German Shepard.

I told him “You’re pretty. Handsome? Which do you prefer?”
“I’ll take option B, please.”

He had told me he was staying for the weekend, so I asked him “do you want to hang out tomorrow?” He gave me a long kiss. I asked him confusedly “Was that a yes or a no?”
“What do you think?”
“Well, I’m hoping it was a yes.” Another long kiss.
“Of course it was.”

We woke up the next morning, and he looked at me. “Oh my god.”
“Your neck!”
“Ah. Are there hickeys?”
“A lot?”
“How many?”
“Well, I don’t want to count them!”
“Do they look like fingerprints?”
“No, why?”
“Good; so it doesn’t look like you were strangling me.”

After I looked in a mirror, I said “…Good lord, my friend. Do you have a vampire complex?”
“Why didn’t you stop me?”
“‘Cause you were really into it and it felt really good.”
“Oh my god, I’m so sorry.”
“It’s cool.”
“How are you going to cover them?”
“A scarf?”
“Do you have makeup? What are you going to tell people?”
“Well, the truth-that I made out with an incredibly hot English solider.”

I continued my questions; he told me he didn't mind. “Favorite animal?”
“Dogs. You?”
“Elephants or dolphins.”
He kissed me and said “I didn’t know they could be exotic!”

He kept saying “Nah, it’s all good.”
I told him “It sounds so much better when you say it!”

I walked him back to his hotel in the morning, with the promise to meet that night at the same bar.

He told me “There’s two kinds of girls in England. There’s the crazy, insane ones. And the kind that cry about everything and are insecure. You are neither, and you're absolutely amazing.”

Part 2 will come soon.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Tales of Blokes in Bars

I turned 21 a few weeks ago. As such, I go out to bars at night. I come home with really good stories as well.

1. The first night I went out alone I walked into the Irish bar in town. It has leprechauns everywhere. This big burly man tells me to come over, and I assume he's the bouncer. I go over, narrowly managing to avoid being hit by pool cues. He tells me "You're not 21."
I say "Well, yes I am."
"No you're not. You have to be 16."
"Sir, I know that I'm 21."
"If you're 21, I'll buy you a drink."

Well, win-win situation for me!

"Okay." The bartender asks to see my ID. I give it to him. He chortles "Hey! 21 two days ago! Happy Birthday! What do you want?"
"Um, something girly?"
The bartender, who looks like Mr. Ollivander from Harry Potter, nods and shuffles away to make my drink. The burly non-bouncer man with a beer gut shouts to the bartender "Hey, make her drink strong enough so she'll go home with me!"
I turn to him. "Sir, how old are you?"

Oh man. 

The bartender gives me my drink for free, "cause you're so darn cute!" I drink it as fast as possible, and hop off the bar stool to leave.
44 year-old says "Hey, where are you going? let me buy you a drink."
"No thank you."
"Come on! I don't mean anything by it, I don't really want to sleep with you."
I give him the 'what the fuck are you talking about' look. "You totally do."
He nods in assent "You're right. But one drink, a friendly one?"
"No, thank you. I have to work tomorrow."
I leave, shaking my head.

2. I was out with a friend of mine from high school. We were at a karaoke bar. I was sitting with him, talking and laughing when I notice that an old man is staring at me. I give him sort of a smile, and he says "You look just like my daughter."
I say "Um, thanks."
He then says "She died in a car wreck about a year ago."
"...Oh my god. I'm so sorry to hear that."
He stares at me awhile longer and then says "She had your beautiful smile and eyes..."
I turn to my friend and say "We need to leave. I feel bad for being born."

3. Last night, I was at a bar to hear a band. I was drinking my 'girly drink', watermelon vodka and sprite, when this old, old man in a cowboy hat, denim shirt and jeans, and giant bushy white beard turns to me and wheezes "So, baby. *cough* Where you been all my life?"
I reply "Um, a uterus."
He gives me a disappointed look and walks away, taking his awful cigarette stench with him.

4. I was out with a friend and she left to go drink wine at her house. I stayed, because I wanted to learn the cute bartender's name. This guy comes and sits next to me. He's balding.
Him: "Hey, how are you?"
"Fine, thanks. How are you?"
"I'm good. What are you drinking?"
"The Scottish Tartanic Ale from the Blackfoot."
"Oh really? Is it good?"
"Yeah, I like it."
"So, did you see me doing cartwheels earlier?"

I had.

"I did, yeah."
"Really? What'd you think?"
I stare at him. "They were very well-executed?"
"Really? Thanks! So, how old are you?"
"21. How old are you?"
"40. But I did 3 cartwheels, that has to make me at least 30!"
"No, cartwheels don't determine age."

At this point, a gorgeous guy my age walks up and asks "Is he bothering you?" in a charming English accent. I nod a little. He tells the man that I'm not interested, and takes his seat. He then asks "Are you alright, love?" "I am now." We keep talking, and his friends come over. They're all English soldiers, stationed in Canada and visiting for the weekend. I'm surrounded by 5 men from England, from 20-28. They all call me 'love'. I am in heaven.

The charming Englishman deserves his own story tomorrow.