Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Truly, a Gem

Yesterday I had possibly one of the worst dates of my life. It might even be worse than the fake date with the 31 year-old semi-homeless cellist last semester.

I had hung out with the guy before after talking for a couple weeks on facebook and on the phone. He's studying carpentry, and turned 21 in March. We hung out on Sunday, just drove around and talked. He told me about his favorite TV show, 'Bleach', and attempted to educate me about rap music, which just failed. He was slightly arrogant, but I figured I could ignore that. He also kept mentioning that he only slept with "top shelf girls". I stupidly ignored that red flag.

We talked briefly on Monday, and he told me he was having a terrible day. I texted him yesterday, asking if his day was any better. He said 'not really no'. When a friend is having a bad day, I always ask if there's anything I can do. I like to think I'm a nice person. So I told him 'hey, let me know if there's anything I can do.' He asked if I would go to lunch with him. I said yes, and he came to pick me up. It was going well for about 5 minutes, he had to drive to work to pick up his sunglasses and was blaring rap music so I couldn't have a conversation with him. He got back in the car, and turned the music down.

He asked "where do you want to eat?" and I figured since he asked me to lunch, he should choose. I said "wherever, I don't really have  a preference." He said "No, you have to make a decision."
"Oh. Okay. Um. Taco del sol."
"What the hell is that?"
"It's a good Mexican restaurant, over on Higgins."
"I've never been there."
"Oh, well, I can give you directions."

So we start driving, and then this happens:
He's texting and driving as he drives around the roundabout. I ask him not to, because my mom  has beat it into my head that if you text and drive, you'll most likely get into an accident.
He defensively says "Don't worry. Come on, live a little. Don't you want to be crazy?"
"Well, not crazy like that."
"What do you have to live for?"


I stare at him. "A lot. Work at Disney World. My cousin's wedding. Graduating from school. Hanging out with my family this summer. A new episode of 'Glee' tonight. I can keep going, I have a plethora of reasons."
"Whatever. I live each day like I could die any second. Because I could."
He then drives up to a yellow light, and it's turning red. He runs the red light.
I ask him "why'd you do that?"
"What? It's not like there were cops around."
"Yeah, but still."
"Hey, nothing's illegal if no one sees you."
"...That's incredibly poor logic."
"Wow, you really have a stick up your ass, don't you?"


"Um, I guess I do. Since I want to stay alive."
"You should get it out of there."


I get us to the restaurant, and he parks.
"I can't believe you got us here."
"Cause you're a woman."
"Yeah, I can't believe I took directions from you."
"I told you I went here last week."
"Yeah, but I drove. That's the real reason we got here."


I ask him, "Seriously?"
He replies "Hey, you're not going to let me make fun of faggots around you, so I'm going to make fun of women."
I tell him "There are ways to have a conversation without mocking people, you know."

We get out of the car. I'm wearing a skirt, and he says "Damn girl! You're pale!"
"I know, I'm like a ghost."
"You need to tan."
I stare at him. "No, I'm good. I'd fit in perfectly in the 1600's. Also, I probably won't get skin cancer."
"Why would anyone want to sleep with someone so pale?"
"Are you serious?"

....This just keeps getting better and better. 

So we walk in and order, I pay for myself.
We eat. He tells me about his business he's starting this summer. He's super excited about business cards.

He opens the door for me on the way out, as well as an older man. Okay, I'll give him some points for that. We go to his car and get in. He asks me what I'm going to do. "Take a nap and find out some stuff for a friend about going to school here."

He then says "Oh, well, can I come up to your room with you?"

In these sorts of situations for me, it's always best to play dumb. I tug on my hair, give the Bambi eyes, and act innocent.
I say "Pardon?"
"Never mind", he mumbles.
He then says "You know that everyone wants to sleep with me, right?"
"Oh yeah?"
"Well, look at me. I'm perfect in every way."
"I'm not going to say anything."
"Ouch. You hurt my feelings."
"I didn't think perfection could get hurt feelings. Besides, apparently every girl wants to sleep with you."

He then tells me about his vehement hatred of Disney movies, using the word 'gay' when he means 'stupid' no less than 10 times.

He drives me back to campus, and pulls into the parking lot. He doesn't park, though. He idles in the parking lot and cars start to back up behind us. He turns to me "I guess you want a hug now, don't you?"
"Not really."
"Come on, get the fuck over here."
"Excuse me?"
"There's cars behind us, get the fuck over here and give me a hug."
I give him the fastest hug I've ever given, and get out of the car. He calls after me "Don't get punched!"

I go up to my room and take a nap, only to awake to an instant message from him.

C says:
Thanks for rollin with me btw
Kinda set the tone of a better day
Anna says:
no problem
I'm glad
C says:
Might have to rock your world sooner or later you keep this up
Just sayin
Anna says:
C says:
lol nothing
Anna says:
C says:
You must have been with a lot of guys who walk all over you
You gotta learn to put up a fight
Get your way
Anna says:
you don't know me very well
C says:
Enlighten me
Anna says:
I have to go to work

First of all, who says 'rock your world'? Ick! Again, an example of playing dumb with Bambi eyes. I go to work, and as I'm doing homework that night I get another instant message from him. He asks me 'Did I say something wrong?' and I reply 'well, the most polite way to say this is that our personalities just don't mesh.'

He then tells me 'people never look beyond the surface, but the girl that does will get me, and I'll be laughing all the time.' Um. Okay. I tell him good luck, and he says 'I'm not looking for a girlfriend'. 'Oh, I know.'

I say goodbye.

Never again.

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